Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
