I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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