Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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