Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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