Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
