i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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