apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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