i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
