i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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