yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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