I cockslap morals
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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