I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
