Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
