If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
