I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
