Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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