Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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