Having a random hookup so left but love u
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
