There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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