you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
