he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
