Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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