The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
