Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
