Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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