Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
