We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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