fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
