Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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