did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
