someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Vodka?
Forever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
