how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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