Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
