i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
