So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
