Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
