so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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