my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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