so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
