If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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