i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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