he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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