fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
