i was rollin on her like bob the builder
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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