Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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