There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
