We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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