I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
