are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
