Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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