i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
